_god_ and black holes

i don't like burns so,
ashes suit me just fine.
i'll burn it all down so i can
play with
puzzle-piece molecules
         [i swear/like a god
         i can put it back to
gether
when i'm finished]

your prayers are scrawled on the backs
of old knees and underneath my
eyelids.  you thought that
they'd be safe from me
there.

far too late, you recognized that i was
dressed in white for a funeral;
instead

besides you know,
death has that special place
in my heart. like outer-space
darkness

.i don't suppose you've ever liked
things that can't hold warmth
..
i always found grey space to be a
comfortable area

if you keep pushing maybe,
i'll learn how to swallow
the right way. without
forcing it back past my lips and
into your hands
         [i like starving/my
         mind to the splin
tered bone]

you never struggled with appetite,
you embraced it.  i found you with
ink and murdered paper shreds scattered
over the walls of your
thinly lined stomach

you could even perform the autopsy
on yourself; i think i was equally awed
by your eyes and the report you gave
over your[my] dead body

.somehow my equations never quite
matched yours.
. perhaps i was

unilluminated

-answers were never good enough for you, no,
there had to be detailed reasons; but you
still pretended to enjoy fantasy
.until i told you i could really,,
f-l-y- with my paper
wings

finally; evidence found a voice and
began speaking for itself. i just
prayed you would..
see.

i trod with careless feet,
between the sky and the horizon,
leaving bruises that showed
in the sunrise
         [once again you
         accused me/of beauty]